I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
