Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
