took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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