If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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