Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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