I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Randomize
