she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
