I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
