He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The adults are the big ones right?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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