It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
