Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
