This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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