What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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