UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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