She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
