dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
birth control should be required to get into college
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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