It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Help. Why am I so naked?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
