One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
