Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
