Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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