somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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