She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
