I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
