If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
