i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
