And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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