After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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