why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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