This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
