i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
