We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
