is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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