Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
