I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
