The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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