At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
