I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
