were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
