dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
