Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
