I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
