I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
