She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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