if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
