How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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