I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
