i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
