That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
