My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
