Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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