90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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