singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
