We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
