No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
