How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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