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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.

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• (510): View more from California

  Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.

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• (510): View more from California

  I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.

  (1-510): View more from California

  Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.

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