I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
