she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
