I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
