If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
