how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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