I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
