the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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