She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is my gift to your gina
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
