When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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