He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
