I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
