This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
